Possessiveness

Chennai, March 2007.

Had been to home for the weekend. Narayanan came knocking at the door. He was the same old lanky fellow who is known to be a skilled scooter mechanic. "Vanakkam thambi - nalla irukkingala?" (Hello brother.Are you fine?) - he muttered with a broad smile which I duly reciprocated.

Dad was upstairs and I informed him of Narayanan's arrival. He possessed a scooter which he had bought in the early 90's. It is a pearl white Vespa which turns 17 this month. Ours is a township and a scooter to commute is more than enough. For all this years dad has extensively used it, and as far as i know if he is in station, he had some business to do riding his two wheeler .

It was almost like an identity, "Ohh... the man on the white Vespa". He cared for it the most and Naryanan has been attending the vehicle for almost a decade.

I presumed, there was some minor fault and Narayanan is here to attend it. The two exchanged pleasantries and went to the shed. I was hesitant to follow them. It was a gloomy Sunday and I felt very lazy to look into what's happening.

Few minutes later dad came in and bang, closed the door. Usually he briefs me on such occasions, but this time his silence shot my curiosity up..Something unusual... I questioned, "Whats going on? Has Narayanan left?"

The answer came with a delay of few seconds. "The shock- absorbers are gone, cost of replacement is high , I have told him to sell it" .

I was surprised, may be he was joking, no, he was serious indeed. An unexpected decision rather. Within few days the deal was done and the vehicle was sold to some fellow in the same locality.

Months later I had been home, i got down at the bus stop, a white scooter approached, I began to think it was my dad until I realized in a couple of seconds that it was that fellow to whom we had sold... He had come to drop some one in the bus stand. I saw my dad waiting there near the huge banyan tree. He was also glaring at the vehicle. I could sense the blood flow in him, he seemed emotional.

Chennai, May 2007

My friend - a college mate of mine , who was committed to his girlfriend was looking at some snaps. He was very disturbed for weeks and I could sense that being his roommate. There were a couple of guys with the same name in our class and we would use to refer this fellow with the girl with whom he had been in love.

Circumstances and fate led to a dispute among them, rather an ego clash, where in this fellow pleaded guilty for a mistake which he never committed. Still there seemed no chance for a revival of relationship.

I asked him what happened then and why he was upset? He said he saw her in the bus stand and she was in a bike with some other fellow, she pretended not to see this fellow and off they went till this fellow's eyes zoomed to the extents of the horizons to see them vanishing.

I could still sense the blood flow in him. He was emotional.

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I wondered - two scenarios, one with a materialistic possession one with a humane possession. Possessiveness does exist.

I know it is child's dream to posses the teddy bear doll for ever. Dolls for sure can't understand the child's emotions !!!!

Humans ?

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Infinite Consciousness

The ultimate nectar of life resides within and is tasted by few. Thoughts propagate waves through the biological system . Deep thoughts are one such thing, seldom relished.

The state of mind to evolute such deep thoughts is very difficult to achieve. There are different cases. Some times , an incident that touched your heart so deep might kindle feelings and deep thoughts within you. Else it might be loneliness which may provoke the mind to go into deep thoughts.

Whatever the case might be, The brain starts reasoning facts, beliefs, happenings and raises the big question

Why

The reasoning creates a sense of satisfaction some times , quite often upsets the self and leads to the state of self which is reflected as the mood of the concerned. There are also few people who come out of such states rapidly and get back to work as if nothing happened. You can phrase them to be volatile . Such people do not answer their conscious and escape from it. You may find them not to care for any thing in this world. They are carefree.

But life is not something from which one escapes, one needs to cherish every moment of it. One needs to answer to his conscious for every act of his, as he is a rationale being. One should not simply see life taking him on rides.

Self Reasoning gets the person more maturity. Deep thoughts would avoid one to commit an act of disgrace as his conscious would let him not to do so.

You may come across many questions for which you don't have answer. Why Life? Why Death? Why Me? Why not Today? What is Time? all of them would sound fanatic. Try answering them, you will learn new things. You will feel your head become lighter. We are here for a purpose which we need to find before the life times out. We need to focus rather dissolute the thoughts. Think deep , deeper till you are out of this earthly belongings. You feel a state of unexplainable joy and infinite consciousness

Deep thoughts take you through the corridors of a dark tunnel called life to reach the light at the end which is the moksha. and while traveling through it.

Let your thoughts, beliefs, and conditioned responses drop one by one into the pool of infinite consciousness and dissolve.

- Emoted by the demise of my grandfather whose life stands an example

Shed Expectations

Few years ago, I noticed, myself believing on certain ideologies and few people blindfolded. I always expected things to happen my way with them. The reason being - the thought, so solid to believe or the person , very affirmative to all my wants. Say my sort of a person with similar or rather common likes/dislikes. I refer to people of both genders. So no usual speculations pals.

As this belief was growing rapidly, I felt very insecure always having a fear within myself. Will he agree to what I say ? Will she believe me? Every time the fear arose, my conscious would say not to worry and trust in the relationship concerned, say brother..friend...

And when you believe so much in a person and he/she behaves unexpected, making all your beliefs vaporize, your feel your blood clog in you. Its a tough feeling. You lose hope, dejected and ditched. You dislike everything. Many of us would have felt it, when it has happened from some one who has been so close to us .

Tho only ray of hope to come out of such a darkness is to

"Shed Expectations"

. Expectations of any form from any one is a risk..Some times even from thy self!!!